10 hours

After 9 years of talking about it we start shooting this movie in the morning. 9 years…and yet I haven’t had a rehearsal or a read through or drawn a single storyboard. Yikes. This will be seat of the pants stuff but I think it’s going to be a blast.

Certainly we’ve achieved an enormous amount to get to this point. I’m so proud of our little crew and for once I can pretty much tell you how it’s really going – you’ll get no soft-soaping from me. Whatsmore I have total freedom – there’s no excuses on this one. Our only constraint is that we’re trying to make a movie for less than the cost of a Hummer.

However what I’ve been given for free to shoot with is beyond value – everyone’s time and enthusiasm and an enormous bunch of gear and freebies. I can tell you no one’s doing this one for the cash!

Our next report will be from the field of battle.

1 DAY

Work expands to fill the time. Weird isn’t it?

We started in January and today, after four months, the SAG and DGA deals, the Workmen’s Comp, Payroll and Insurance all came together in the space of a few hours. Go figure.

And then at about 430pm I saw the light again. At last I was able to make some notes in my script and dream about the scenes a bit. There’ll be no storyboarding on this movie which for me is pretty freaky but maybe that will be a good thing. I’ll let the actors soar and I’ll follow with my trusty camera. This small movie feels like the biggest adventure I’ve ever embarked upon and I feel that suddenly I’m at base camp and the sherpas have turned and left us and there’s nothing to do but stare at the mountain and decide how to climb it before the weather turns.

I’m a guy who couldn’t get a gig as an architect and now I’m about to make another movie in Hollywood. How cool is that?

3 DAYS

We start shooting in three days.

I decided to make this movie so I could have fun and grab some of the artistic freedom us director-folk keep talking about. What went wrong?

I’ve spent all day running errands, filling in more forms, sending faxes, sitting on the phone for 40 minutes with the IRS in Philly to get a Federal ID#, replacing names in the script we can’t use, filling up goodie bags, trying to get just one extra to call me back…

…and now I’m sitting here whining.

BANANAS

I realised earlier today that, quite accidentally, bananas occur twice in the script. By the end of the day both banana moments had been the subject of much discussion here in Callback-land.

BANANA ISSUE ONE
We have our GIRL WITH BANANA. Camilla Rantsen will be the lovely girl who will consume a banana on the set of Paul Spring’s movie and send Gary into uncontrollable hysteria. Camilla is far too talented to be doing this for us – she speaks four if not five languages (as well as English). Heck I’d give my remaining hair folicles to be able to speak two! Girls are so clever aren’t they? Anyhow as well as her linguistic skills Camilla is soon to be seen in Lords of Dogtown (I saw an ad on the side of a bus yesterday) starred in Don Juan De Marco and played the lead in three other movies. And like nearly every other actor on our movie Camilla has Shakespeare and a bunch of TV (Law & Order etc) on her resume. Amazing.

BANANA ISSUE TWO
As you will remember I changed the Pineapple song to the Banana Song because it’s easier to get a banana costume for Moe to wear. Today I found out that the opening line of my new song “I’m Mr. Banana.” Has to be re-written. There is a company called Mr. Banana already. This will be the third time I’ve written this blasted song!

SPRING HAS SPRUNG
It’s official. Paul Spring is now JACK WOODHARD. Surprisingly there is no-one in the phone book with that name.

CODA
We start shooting on Saturday and we just lost our first location. Back to the drawing board.

GARDENING

It’s been a hard day for many reasons that are just too boring to go into here. Nobody said this was going to be easy right?

And finally at 6pm I got the news that we can’t use Le Jardin as the name for our restaurant. No big deal except that I’ve painted the Le Jardin sign twice to get it the way I like it – and made the menus for Le bleedin’ Jardin. So now I’ve had to suggest a bunch of new names…so that I can paint the sign a third time.

If Vivian goes to meet Paul Spring (whose name we’re still trying to find a good substitute for – is Dick Hard too obvious?) at Le Musette you’ll know why.

Is it Le Musette or La Musette?

GARY

The first person who read for us all those weeks ago when we started casting was for the role of Gary. And so was the last when we finally stopped casting yesterday. It’s been a lot tougher than I’d have predicted.

I’ve seen so many guys that I daren’t add it up. Some of them were truly stunning – if I’d been shooting a drama they’d have got the gig no question. But were they funny, were they Gary?

Well we have our Gary now and we’re delighted. His name is Cole Stratton and I think him and Kevin are going to have a blast. Cole exploded onto the screen as Guy #2 in Dead Man on Campus, has starred in a couple of independents, ripped it up on Nash Bridges and America’s Most Wanted and has a long list of Improv and Comedy appearances to his credit. However there’s always a point at which, when looking at an actor’s resume, you say to yourself, “This is our guy!”

What impressed me was not his Improv / Stand Up Comedy experience, his ballroom dancing skills or that he’s an ice-skater. The defining ability that Cole has that I’m sure will be most useful for us is that (and I quote) “I can play the William Tell Overture on my cheeks.”

No word on whether he can do this with face cheeks or butt cheeks but when things get a bit iffy on set and we need some Rossini to buck us up we’re covered. Can’t wait.

FEAR FACTOR

We have a schedule. I sat down today and did it myself.

I’m petrified. God, SAG and the DGA willing we’ll start shooting on May 28th – about two months later than originally planned.

All I need now is about six more locations, a car for Moe…and Garry.

PROPS

Liz, our production designer, delivered the first load of props to me yesterday.

My spare bedroom now contains a ball gag, an inflatable sex toy, a plastic roman helmet and toy sword, two clipboards, a bunch of old cellphones, another video camera, a judo outfit and about twenty clocks. God knows what my cleaning lady will say on Monday when she arrives.

Liz approved the signs I’d painted. I’m very insecure at the moment I need all the approval I can get.

SIGNS

I’ve been making signs in the garage.

I know directors aren’t supposed to do this kind of stuff but someone’s got to do it. I’m getting my hands dirty – it’s that kind of movie. I’ve made the F….. A sign for Ms. Holland’s acting class and the S..T sign for outside. Now comes the difficult part: painting in the shadows around the letters and all that sign-painters stuff. Which is how I came across John.

I jumped onto the web to get an idea how REAL signs are painted and found myself at papersigns.com link where you can get a 25″x38″ sign custom painted and sent to you for $10! When you’re doing a movie on my budget that’s an unbeatable deal. There’s a happy picture of John Hodgins (”50 years behind the times”) and his bubbling offer: “Let’s talk!” So we did and he’s got a voice that would melt the coldest of hearts. He’s a craftsman and I’m so glad that people like him still exist in our world. John’s going to make the THE PEOPLE DEMAND MOE JONES AS MARTINEZ sign for us and speaking with him and forking out my $10 plus $2 surcharge for the extra words has made my day.

Isn’t this fun?

TEES

I’m so English. I won’t speak to people I’ve not been introduced to (like cute girls on trains or any where else for that matter) and I hate to ask for stuff for free. But suddenly I’ve hit the mother-lode of need and my begging skills have improved greatly – consequently the goodies are pouring in.

I’m reading my Rolling Stone one lunchtime at Bob’s Big Boy when I spy an ad for T-shirts that suck.com link. And they have this brilliant VIVA LA REVOLUCION! shirt that I figured would be just perfick for Moe when he’s in full Martinez mode at the end of act 2. A quick bit of webbing later and William at TSTS.com is sending one for Moe to wear. That’s one less bit of wardrobe to get, one more minor victory for Callback

My buddy Clive Gregson link has also sent me two vintage T’s of my favourite all-time band from the 80’s Any Trouble link who I used to p.r. for. Sadly I think some long visits to the laundry room and those super-tight, short sleeved 80’s fashions might make the T’s too small for Moe but we’ll get them in the movie somehow. I have to…Clive is going to be giving me songs for the soundtrack. Please don’t tell him – he doesn’t know it yet.

Lola Ray link have sent us T’s too. Some will be in the movie and some in the goodie bags the extras will get. They’re a great new band and Dave Massey and Evan L. at Sony/BMG got that together. Oh yeah – they sent TWO BOXES of swag all the way from New York just so we can give them to our extras. Damn cool of them eh?

If you’ve got swag for goodie bags for our soon-to-be hardworking actors and extras let me know.

BEG, BEG, BEG….

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